Give 'til it Hurts

I pride myself on being an OK gift giver. I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give, and sometimes, I really hit a home run. It’s hard, though, unless you spend a lot of time with someone, to be able to pick up on and remember small clues about something they may want. In our first world, Gen-i, me! me! me! culture, if we see something we’d like, within reason, we just buy it right then and there.

When I think about a thoughtful gift scenario, I picture a couple walking down a sidewalk along a row of quaint shops. The woman stops to admire a locket in the window of a store. They continue on their way. Then, months later with that afternoon a mere distant memory, she opens a small box. “The locket!” she gasps, “You remembered.” And scene.

It’s not like that in real life. Real life might have you seeing the locket while on that walk but then you find one you like better on Etsy that night.

Here are some tips I use when trying to find the perfect, or at least a pretty good, gift:

1. Know the recipient’s hobbies, style, and color preferences.

Picture the intended recipient actually using the item. Can’t picture it? Then it’s probably not a grand slam.

2. Look for items you might not buy for yourself or that you would deem extravagant or luxurious. Some of my favorite gifts I’ve received over the years weren’t wildly expensive, but they would have fallen in a category of something I could live without and I wouldn’t have indulged in myself.

 3. Ask yourself “would I like this?” Now there will be occasions when that doesn’t make sense. If you’re buying a new fishing pole for your uncle and you’ve never held one, well, it will be hard to take a walk in their shoes. This would be a good time to ask for help. Solicit the feedback of online reviews or a salesperson. But if you do share similarities with the recipient, stop and picture you yourself unwrapping the potential gift. Rarely does the “not for me, but fine for them” game work out well.

4. All gift cards are not created equal. Some will tell you a gift card is lazy and they can be. But I’ll tell you this…ask a poor-as-church mice newly married couple or someone who’s just had a baby how great a gift a restaurant gift card is. I once bought a teacher a shoe store gift card on  a whim, rushing in and out of a drugstore one day. The deadline was quickly approaching, I was there, they sold gift cards, and I thought a gift card to a shoe store would make a fine gift. Later, when I received a thank you note from this teacher, she eloquently explained that she didn’t drink coffee and wound up regifting the thousands of Starbucks cards she received. And that she wound up spending Target cards on practical, everyday items. But that she was excited because she could go get a new pair of shoes, 100% guilt free, and not be tempted to be practical. That one was a home run.

5. Always ask for and include a gift receipt. Make it easy for the person to return or exchange your gift. They can’t all be winners.

6. Asking “do you like it?” is the gift equivalent of “does this make my butt look big?” Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answer to. It smacks of desperation. What are they going to say? Maybe they do, maybe they don’t, but asking isn’t going to give you a sincere answer regardless.

My last piece of advice is give sincerely. Don’t just give someone a gift for the sake of giving a gift. They will sniff out your insincerity like a drug dog at the airport. Don’t make excuses (“If I’d had more time…”) and don’t make apologies and undercut your gift (“This is just a little token of my appreciation…” “It’s nothing, really.”)

Candidate for "Worst Father's Day Gift." Ever.