Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Favorite Curse Word

I'm going to give Carlin a run for his money and possibly be shut down by Blogger (or Al Gore) but we started talking about this today at work and I've been laughing and thinking about it all day.

My favorite curse word is "ass." That is the first and last time I will say it here and will have to be creative (btw, "a$$" is not creative) for the rest of this post. If you know me, you know I don't have a potty mouth. First, I was raised better than that. Secondly, I'm a good Southern, Baptist girl...for the most part. Lastly, an inordinate amount of swearing just shows a certain lack of creativity. It takes more effort to come up with a flourish and litany of big words to get your point across.

The reason it's my favorite is simple. It's so versatile. Here's just a partial argument:

  • a**hole
  • a**wipe
  • jacka**
  • you're being an a**
  • smells like a**
  • tastes like a**
  • a** cold (as in, "today was nice but this weekend, it's going to be a** cold again.")
  • cold as a** (cousin to the one above)
  • half a** (something not done as well as it could be)
  • quarter a** (even worse than "half a**")
  • piece of a**
  • a** clown
  • tear a** (to take off at an accelerated speed)
  • a**ish (an adjective)
  • a**y (another adjective)
  • y'a** (Southern deriviative - similar to "y'all")
  • get some a**
  • big/fat a**
  • a** crack (what it sounds like, part of anatomy or, one of my favorites, slap "of dawn" at end and it becomes a denotation of time)
  • got an a** (the nasty step-sister to "baby got back")
  • sh**'s a** (a double dirty -- this one's borrowed from a friend of mine who has yet been able to explain this one's true meaning or proper usage)
  • what crawled up his/her a**
  • he/she has a thumb up his/her a**
  • kiss a** (verb or noun)
I came up with this list in about 30 seconds. I'm sure there are many more out there. But to go on would make me, well, you know.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Man on Wire

"I see a beautiful place to put my wire and...I cannot resist."

--Philippe Petit, French wire walker, on why he installed and walked a high wire between the WTC Twin Towers in 1974.

This is an interesting story. This guy is from France and is a wire walker.  He heard about plans for the World Trade Center before the towers' construction even began and aspired to walk between them.  He practiced at his home in the backyard, mere feet off the ground, with friends shaking the wire and otherwise distracting him to simulate the wind he would encounter 1,350 feet above the earth.

On August 7th, 1974, armed with his gear (including a 450-lb cable and a 55' balancing pole) and a fake ID declaring him a maintenance worker, he ascended one of the nearly-completed Twin Towers. He got his wire in place and proceeded to walk the length of wire eight times over a 45-minute span before police coaxed him down. He was promptly arrested for what is now revered as "the artistic crime of the century."

A documentary about his life and this famous walk, "Man on Wire," is up for an Academy Award tonight.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Name Game

I'm copying Emily, who was copying someone, but this seemed fun...

Valerie Nicole Eagan Mangrum

2.  WITNESS PROTECTION NAME. (mother's and father's middle names)
Ann Hill

3.  NASCAR NAME. (1st name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Felix Loren

4.  STAR WARS NAME. (1st 3 letters of your last name, 1st 2 of your 1st name)

5.  DETECTIVE NAME. (favorite color, favorite animal)
Blue Dog

6.  SOAP OPERA NAME. (middle name, town where you were born)
Nicole Nashville

7.  SUPERHERO NAME. (2nd fave color, fave drink, add "THE" to beginning)
The Purple Fruit Tea

8.  PILOT NAME (1st 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of last name)

9.  ROCK STAR NAME. (current pet's name, current street name)
Brinkley Clover

10. GANGSTA NAME. (1st 3 letters of 1st name plus "izzle")

11. IRAQI NAME. (2nd letter of 1st name, 3rd letter of last name, 1st 2 letters of middle name, last 2 letters of 1st name and last 3 letters of last name)

12.  GOTH NAME. ("Black" and the name of one of your pets)
Black Bonnie

Murgnam Eirelav

Monday, February 9, 2009

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

What would you do if someone -- a stranger -- reached slowly, casually, into your pocket or purse and proceeded to take your wallet? You might say, "excuse me?" or "may I help you?" or you might smack their hand or jump back. Regardless, you would be horrified by the blatant audacity. The ludicrous assumption that taking something so precious and so, well, "not yours" was OK.

But that is exactly what we allow to happen on a pretty regular basis. Allow me...

I believe when we are born, we come into this world with all the currency that we'll ever have and that will ever truly matter -- time. Think about it. You might have said real estate or stocks or plain, old, cold, hard cash but you'd be wrong. It takes time to attain all those other treasures. And regardless of how much of the other you have, you can't buy more time. That simple.

So, it goes without saying that I get frustrated when people waste my time. They're robbing me. Whether it's a rude sales person or a less-than-brilliant server in a restaurant or a clueless help desk or customer service rep, it boils down to the same concept:  time is money. Spend it wisely.

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you."
--Carl Sandburg

And I won't quote it here but if you're not familiar with the "Marbles" story, follow this link (click here).

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Mistakes Happen

Why I am against the death penalty:

And also: