Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Favorite Curse Word

I'm going to give Carlin a run for his money and possibly be shut down by Blogger (or Al Gore) but we started talking about this today at work and I've been laughing and thinking about it all day.

My favorite curse word is "ass." That is the first and last time I will say it here and will have to be creative (btw, "a$$" is not creative) for the rest of this post. If you know me, you know I don't have a potty mouth. First, I was raised better than that. Secondly, I'm a good Southern, Baptist girl...for the most part. Lastly, an inordinate amount of swearing just shows a certain lack of creativity. It takes more effort to come up with a flourish and litany of big words to get your point across.

The reason it's my favorite is simple. It's so versatile. Here's just a partial argument:

  • a**hole
  • a**wipe
  • jacka**
  • you're being an a**
  • smells like a**
  • tastes like a**
  • a** cold (as in, "today was nice but this weekend, it's going to be a** cold again.")
  • cold as a** (cousin to the one above)
  • half a** (something not done as well as it could be)
  • quarter a** (even worse than "half a**")
  • piece of a**
  • a** clown
  • tear a** (to take off at an accelerated speed)
  • a**ish (an adjective)
  • a**y (another adjective)
  • y'a** (Southern deriviative - similar to "y'all")
  • get some a**
  • big/fat a**
  • a** crack (what it sounds like, part of anatomy or, one of my favorites, slap "of dawn" at end and it becomes a denotation of time)
  • got an a** (the nasty step-sister to "baby got back")
  • sh**'s a** (a double dirty -- this one's borrowed from a friend of mine who has yet been able to explain this one's true meaning or proper usage)
  • what crawled up his/her a**
  • he/she has a thumb up his/her a**
  • kiss a** (verb or noun)
I came up with this list in about 30 seconds. I'm sure there are many more out there. But to go on would make me, well, you know.