Tuesday, February 14, 2017

A Letter to Bird on Valentine's Day

My darling girl - 

With you and your friends on the brink of becoming actual teenagers, I watch as you all navigate   changing interests and evolving dynamics. Who has a crush on whom has become the topic of the day and now there’s talk of boyfriends and girlfriends. I’ve even heard the “D” word tossed around, although I’m not sure what that looks like for two 12-year-olds and am content in my ignorance. I’m afraid at 42, I am just about as awkward as I was at 12 and can’t offer a lot of advice in the area of pre-teen dating, being cool, and playing the field. What I can offer you is some motherly advice, anchored with some Biblical truth. 

Chase your dreams, not boys.
You will see some of your friends go after a guy. They will hunt and pursue like a lion in the Serengeti. Some of them will even be successful, but it will be short-lived and unfulfilling. I’m all for “girl power” and encouraging ladies to be strong and aggressive and going after what we want, but there is a natural order to things and the guy needs to take the lead on this one.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your dreams.”
Proverbs 16:3

Play hard, but not impossible, to get.
You don’t have to go on a date with the first guy who smiles at you and you don’t have to marry the first person you date. When someone shows interest in you, if you share that interest, be nice and kind but don’t fall over backwards with excitement. Let them know you have a life and interests and pursuits aside from them. Be approachable and available without being needy and desperate.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2

Be a friend first.
Don’t try to like someone after you love them. Passion is powerful and strong and exciting, but it’s like a star that burns out over time. When the dust settles, you need a strong foundation upon which a true relationship can rest. Being friends first will allow you to be with people who share your interests and let you really get to know a person.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17

Be yourself.
It’s tempting to try to impress a boy you like. When the right one comes along, you won’t have to be anything but yourself. Also, people can see through someone trying to be fake or someone they’re not. Besides, if the only way to get a boy to like you is to pretend to be someone or something you’re not, he’s not the one and is not worth your time. And never, ever let a boy change who you are. If he doesn’t like your friends, your family, or your interests, then he doesn’t truly like you. 

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

Be patient.
This one is hard. Especially when you feel like your friends have all moved to a different place than where you are. Know that God has chosen someone precious and suited just for you and you all will find each other in His time.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends al understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7

Best of luck, sweet girl. Know that you are already immeasurably loved and you are a princess in God’s Kingdom.


14 February 2017