When the One You Called Mom and the One Who Calls You Mom Never Met: Reflections on Living the In-Between

My mother passed away 14 years ago, roughly two weeks before my only child entered this world. Was it rotten timing? Yes, it's never fun running around trying to find something to wear to a funeral at the last minute, especially when you're relegated to maternity clothes and are roughly the size of your first car. At eight and a half months into my gestation, I faced the very real possibility that my water would break as I stood in front of everyone I'd ever known and a handful of strangers. I stood on swollen ankles shoved into pumps like fence posts, praying the eulogy would be the only thing I delivered that day. 

Funerals make well-meaning people say the craziest things. 

"She looks so peaceful."

(She looks embalmed.)

"You're so brave."

(Brave is jumping out of an airplane; I was pushed.)

"Well, this was just a terrible time for her to pass."

(Yes, you're right. Why couldn't she have held on until Christmas?)

The recurring comment I received that blistering week in August, and continue to receive to this day, is lament over my unborn child not having the chance to know my mother. Although they've never met in the flesh, rest assured my daughter knows my mother. 

If the physical and personality attributes they share aren't enough, my sweet girl has been regaled with stories of her grandmother throughout her life that have left a lasting imprint upon her. Despite them passing in the revolving door of this hotel we call life, I've taken every opportunity to share stories, anecdotes, words of wisdom and a few tall tales about the woman we call "Grandmama." Ask my daughter from where she got her quick temper, her dimples or her love of sweets, and she'll proudly say "Grandmama." Ask her why we have cookbooks taking up space in our kitchen cabinet in the age of Pinterest and iPads and she'll tell you, "because those were Grandmama's." And, if you catch her on the right day, she might even wink and point out the irony since "Grandmama wasn't even that good of a cook."

Keeping family histories alive, even as cast members leave us, is critical to subsequent generations knowing who they are. Helping connect the dots from past to present ensures the future's tapestry will be tightly and beautifully woven. Passing along pearls of wisdom, insight and memories is a gift that, literally, keeps on giving and is the responsibility of those of us here in the "in between." I've done my best to make sure that just because these two ladies never met doesn't mean they don't know each other.