Doggone Dumb

I love animals, especially dogs. If you know me at all, you know my motto is “I tolerate people; I adore dogs.” I have actually swerved while driving to avoid a dog or squirrel only to notice afterwards that there was a pedestrian whom I did not register being there at all. I sacrifice decent sleep and comfort on a nightly basis so my pups have room to stretch out. My girls eat breakfast and dinner before I do. I’ve spent more on a dog sweater than I have on a people sweater for myself.

With all this said, I’m getting ready to say something seemingly uncharacteristic:

Dogs don’t need to be everywhere, all the time.

There, I said it. Your pooch is not an accessory. Now, time and schedule and weather permitting, I’ll load up one or both of our girls to make the drive to school in the morning or afternoon, provided it’s going to be a quick, non-stop flight. They love to get out and ride and see things and sniff things. But I’m seeing an epidemic of people with dogs in all kinds of wildly inappropriate places and I wonder “what are you thinking?”

Here are a few recent examples:

1.  At school.

There are only a couple of Moms who do this, but they’re repeat offenders. If it was a “Fido has been sick and I’m keeping an eye on him” situation, I’d be all over that, offering to make canine-friendly chicken soup. But it’s not because it happens regularly. What it does come across as is “I’m an introvert and this furry crutch I’m holding will help me in conversation.” Totally fair, coming from this world-renowned introvert. But still, not OK. Here’s my issue with it:  not everyone likes dogs. I know, I don’t get it and trust me, I trust dogs a lot more than people. But it’s the truth. As a fairly empathetic person, I realize that there are people out there with fears and allergies and just general wariness and ambivalence that I couldn’t and shouldn’t try to help them overcome by forcing my dog into their inner circle.

2.  At sporting events.

So your kid is playing a double header soccer game Saturday and you’ll be at the ball park from 8:00 a.m. until 12:00 noon on a Saturday in August? For some people, this means dragging a drooling, panting dog all over God’s green earth, desperately seeking shade and water. Not to mention, anywhere where there will be a ton of small children is not a good environment for any dog, no matter how well trained or behaved. I’ve never met a dog that loved seven different short people coming up, surrounding it, shrieking in their little kid voices and touching him all over. It makes the dog nervous and a nervous dog is never good.

3.  In the car.  

Of course, most of us know not to leave our precious pups in the car on crazy hot days. And if you don’t, I promise I’ll be more than happy to break your window if I stand there and watch your dog suffer more than 10 minutes on a blistering hot day. But what about the other, not-crazy-hot days? Is it fair to drag your pup along with you as you run a day’s worth of errands?

4.  Chained in the yard. All. The. Time.  

We have one of these in our neighborhood and it breaks my heart. Especially as I’m giving my pups extra snuggle time and asking them which treat they’re in the mood for while hearing plaintiff cries down the street from a dog who just wants some attention, good or bad. I’ve never understood why people get a dog when they don’t seem “all in.” Now, I know not everyone is willing to share their lives inhales/exhales with their pets as I do and that’s fine. But what is the point of having a dog chained up in the far back corner of your yard? You might have wanted a pet but perhaps a goldfish or plush, stuffed animal would have been a better option.

5.  As a photo prop.

This is my last one for today. Again, I adore dogs. I truly do. But I respect them, too. Regardless of how I treat and speak to mine, I know deep down they’re not human. They’re animals. And because of this, there is a tiny part of them that is unpredictable. And that’s why I cringe every time I see a photo like this:

It’s not cute. It’s not wise. It’s selfish and not thought out well by the new parents who are probably stumbling around in a sleep-deprived stupor.

Now, in closing, I’ll offer some good suggestions for places to take your pet:

1. Find a dog park nearby. Take a leash, a ball, a collapsible bowl and a bottle of water. Adhere to the posted rules, especially regarding size.

2.  Go on a picnic. Find a secluded, shady spot somewhere just off the main drag of a park. Bring a tether or tie out so Fido can roam further than a leash and explore the surroundings.

3.  Go for a drive, but don’t get out. Roll the windows down as low as you’re comfortable doing and let them soak up the smells out there. You get bonus points for driving by the vet, but not stopping.

4.  Visit a DIY dog bath and get Scruffy, well, less scruffy. They give you all the supplies you need and you walk away with a healthy back and a clean bathtub at home.

5.  Schedule a play date with a friend’s or neighbor’s pooch. Make sure ahead of time that their temperaments are compatible but social interaction is just as important in canines as it is with your other kids.