Happy Birthday, Mama

If you know me, you know I'm not sentimental. I don't have Christmas tree ornaments or stepping stones that say "Because someone we love is in Heaven, there's a little bit of Heaven in our home." I don't relentlessly post about how much I miss my Mom. In fact, in the almost 17 years she's been gone, I don't speak of her often, though not many days go by when I don't think of her, talk to her, or catch glimpses of her in a stranger, my daughter, or even my own self. So, today, on what would have been her 79th birthday, don't look for any "wishing you a happy birthday in Heaven" post from me. I will, though, share just a few pictures and memories in honor of my mama.

Wedding, June 18, 1966

Though I used to joke with her about how old she was, they actually did have color photos when she and Daddy were married. They'd asked a friend of the family or relative to be their photographer and he chose to shoot their wedding on black and while film because it was classic and pure and truer to the art of photography. Mom never forgave him and despised her wedding pictures from this day forward. She kept this cream colored album that contained maybe 20 pictures total that comprised ALL of their wedding photos hidden in a drawer and would say, "uggh, what is that doing out?" when she'd walk by and see me leafing through it. I always thought I'd wear her dress one day. When the time came around for my own wedding, I realized I didn't want my wedding dress to be either "borrowed" or "something old." That and I'm pretty sure I couldn't have zipped her dress. 

Thom, Valerie & Pat, 1978

This was originally part of a photo strip from a photo booth but somehow this is the only remaining picture from that event. I love it because Mom and Daddy look so young and happy and baby Valerie...well, I pretty much look the same today in most photos. Some combination of RBF and mild confusion. People often ask me what it was like being an only child. Was it lonely? Did I get bored? Did I miss having siblings? Yes, sometimes it was lonely. Yes, like any kid, I occasionally got bored. No, it's hard to miss something you've never experienced. Although, strangely, I always longed for and even asked for an older brother. These two made life fun 'round the clock. Maybe they were worried about paying bills and were tired from working at their jobs but I never saw that. I always had someone to cuddle with, to sit in their lap, to read to me, to play a game.

February 24, 1980

This was on Mom's birthday, 41 years ago, at my grandparents' house. Mom lived for four things:  traveling, going out to eat, the weekend, and birthday celebrations. She was a bit like Garfield. Maybe it was being raised by Depression-era parents and not having much growing up. But birthdays -- hers, mine, anyone, really - were a HUGE deal. There was the requisite Becker's cake (seen pictured above) and ice cream, and we usually pulled out the good dishes.

Wedding of a friend's child, 1998

This is how I'll remember her...smiling, with Daddy, enjoying being with friends, hair just so and fresh lipstick. People have asked me through the years what I would say if she and I could talk once more. It's a bizarre question, really. I mean, depending on the circumstances, I might say a not nice word followed by "you scared me!" or I might say, "is this Heaven?" But truthfully, I would probably make up some excuse as to why I wasn't wearing lipstick. She would put on a fresh coat just to go check the mail so she would not understand why I wear lipstick maybe once a month and even less now because of stupid COVID and these dang-blasted masks. Mom was ahead of her time. She used to drive me crazy when we'd go out to dinner and we'd sit down and she'd whip out a little spray bottle of hand sanitizer and do her hands, the menu and the table. She was regularly ahead of her time.

So, in recap, don't be sad for me because I lost my Mom when I was 30. Be happy that I had her for three decades. Don't be sad for Bird because she never knew Mom. She knows her really well. And, if you still have your mama, stop reading this and give her a call or shoot her a text just to say hi, just because you can. And it will totally make her day.